The
tiniest things lead to the most important discoveries.
With
nothing else to do I was thumbing through news photos on the Internet. Boring
stuff. Trudeau dabbing his eyes with a Kleenex. Trump in a tied-too-long red
tie. Trump in a tied-too-long blue tie.
Then
onto the computer screen jumps Vlad Putin, bare chested, taking the sun in a
remote part of Siberia during his vacation last summer. It was one in a
portfolio of photos dumped onto the Internet by Russian state photographers.
Vlad
fishing in a stream bare-chested. Vlad scuba diving, Vlad, bare-chested again,
horseback riding.
They
were part of a public relations effort to show Vlad as the world’s muscular, most
powerful leader. The superman who has outboxed and outfoxed Humpity Trumpity of
the U.S.
Almost
unnoticed in that montage of PR offerings is Vlad, wearing a shirt this time,
sitting in dense forest examining and discussing mushrooms with Sergei Shoigu,
Russia’s defence minister.
Eh?
The Russian president and his defence minister sitting in a Siberian forest
discussing mushrooms?
As
Sherlock Holmes would say: “Exactly, my dear Watson!”
Yes,
the humble mushroom is master spy Putin’s secret weapon for achieving world domination.
Not just any mushroom, but those known in the dark side of mushroom gathering
as Shrooms – psychedelic magic mushrooms.
Russians
are mushroom crazy, and love those fleshy fruits of the soil almost as much as
they love vodka. They consume two million tons of wild mushrooms each year,
most of which are collected in the forests by individual consumers. Mushroom
picking is a national sport.
Leo
Tolstoy, author of War and Peace and Anna Karenina, wrote stories about
mushroom picking. Composer Peter
Tchaikovsky scribbled melodies during mushroom picking expeditions.
Shrooms
contain hallucinogens that cause mental disturbances similar to those created
by LSD. The Russians over the years are known to have used Shrooms to trick
people into believing and doing crazy things.
Siberian
shamans consumed Shrooms to achieve spiritual journeys and sometimes gave dried,
powdered Shrooms as gifts at Christmas. That is how the Santa Claus legend was
born.
When
the Siberian snows were too deep to go door to door, the shamans fed magic mushrooms
to reindeer and flew from rooftop to rooftop, delivering presents of Shrooms
through the chimneys.
Don’t
believe that? Well, consider this: one of the most popular magic mushrooms in
Siberia has a bright red cap with white dots, the same colour combination as
Santa Claus’ winter suit.
So,
although he ain’t Santa, Vlad is secretly delivering magic mushrooms around the
world. We don’t know how he is doing it but he is getting Shrooms into the
bloodstreams of world leaders.
Britain’s
Theresa May is doing peculiar things and some days looks like she is about to
snap. Normally aggressive Angela Merkel is a quiet mere shadow of herself.
Justin Trudeau is speaking oddly, lecturing people to say personhood instead of
manhood.
More
evidence that world leaders are going strange came when Barack Obama appeared
on a Jerry Seinfeld show and said a "pretty sizable percentage" of
world leaders are crazy.
Last
summer an Australian study reported that magic mushrooms cause people to lose their sense of self.
"People who go through psychedelic
experiences no longer take it for granted that the way they've been viewing
things is the only way," said one of the report’s authors.
Psychedelics create ‘ego dissolution’ which
could result in re-engineering “the mechanisms of self, which in turn could
change people's outlook or worldview.” And, “ego dissolution offers vivid
experiential proof not only that can things be different, but that there is an
opportunity to seek change."
That’s exactly what Vlad is working on –
re-engineering the minds of world leaders until they dance for him like
puppets.
Obviously he hasn’t managed to get Shrooms into
Trump’s Diet Coke yet because that ego remains as large as the Rocky Mountains.
However, he no doubt is working hard on it.
I
also suspect that Vlad is trying to get Shrooms not just into world leaders’
food and drink but into the general populations’ as well.
Now
that I think about it, my coffee did taste a bit different this morning.
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